Raising emotionally healthy kids involves noticing their feelings, helping them understand them and showing they can count on you when life feels overwhelming.
Empathy is one of the most important tools a parent can have in that process. It helps you connect, even in tense moments and lets your child know you’re on their side.
For Felecia Noguera, LIMHP, LCSW, a bilingual therapist at Child Saving Institute (CSI), empathy is the bridge that closes the gap between parents and children, especially when things get messy or emotions run high.
Felecia brings her own rich mix of life experiences to the therapy room. She grew up in St. Louis with a mom who embodied small-town American life and a dad whose family came from Puerto Rico and Nicaragua. “My mom’s side gave me the all-American experience: hunting, fishing, Sunday dinners, while my dad’s side immersed me in Latin American traditions, languages and values,” she says. “That mix taught me early on that just because people share a language or background doesn’t mean they think, feel or act the same way.”
That perspective has become a strength in her work with families. She understands how cultural differences can shape the way parents and children communicate, and she’s quick to spot when those differences lead to misunderstandings.
Parents often tell Felecia they’re “emotionally supportive.” She doesn’t doubt that but she also knows being physically present is different from being emotionally connected. “It’s wonderful to be there for your child,” she says, “but until you can show that you understand what they’re going through and you can sit with that without trying to fix it right away, you’re not going to build the deeper trust they need.”
That kind of empathy starts with simply acknowledging emotions. It might mean noticing changes in mood and gently pointing them out: “I noticed you got quiet after we left the park,” instead of jumping straight into questions like, “What’s wrong?” or “Why are you upset?” which can feel like pressure.
“It’s not about having all the answers,” she says. “It’s about showing up in a way that says, ‘I see you and I’m here.’”
For bilingual and bicultural families, that bridge can be trickier to build. Felecia has seen many cases where Spanish-speaking parents and their mostly English-speaking children feel like they’re missing each other entirely. Sometimes the gap is about language but often it’s about confidence. Children might understand Spanish but worry about saying something wrong or parents may feel their English isn’t strong enough to express the emotion behind their words.
“That’s when I’ll step in as a translator in more than one sense of the word,” she explains. “Sometimes a mom says something her child takes the wrong way and I’ll pause and ask, ‘Is this what you meant?’ Once we clear that up, the conversation can move forward in a much better place.”
She also sees cultural expectations play a role. In some families, talking about feelings openly is unusual or even discouraged. In others, discipline is assumed to be the first response to certain behaviors. Felecia works to help parents and kids understand each other’s perspectives while gently challenging ideas that might be getting in the way of connection.
She offers simple, doable strategies for building empathy and emotional literacy at home:
- Point out what you notice instead of labeling emotions for your child.
- Replace “why” questions with “what” or “how” to keep kids from feeling blamed.
- Model healthy ways of handling your own frustration or disappointment.
- Treat all feelings as valid, not “good” or “bad.”
- Make space for connection in your routine, whether it’s a no-phones dinner or a regular check-in during the drive to school.
For children who have been through trauma, the first step is rebuilding trust, which means patience is key. “If a child has been hurt by someone they trusted, it makes sense they’re not going to open up to a stranger right away,” Felecia says. “My first few sessions are about getting to know each other. We might play games, talk about things they enjoy or share small details about ourselves. Trust takes time, and I’d rather build a strong foundation than rush into hard topics before they’re ready.”
Some parents come to CSI unsure whether what they’re seeing in their child is a normal developmental phase or something more concerning. Felecia reassures them that asking for help is not a sign of failure. “You’re not the only parent who feels disconnected,” she says. “Therapy can help you understand what’s typical, when to be concerned and how to strengthen your relationship so you’re your child’s go-to person.”
CSI works hard to make that help as accessible as possible, especially for families who might face language or cultural barriers. Bilingual therapists, bilingual front-desk staff and training on interpreter etiquette are all part of that effort. “Sometimes just knowing you can speak in your own language makes all the difference,” Felecia says. “It tells families, ‘You belong here.’”
Her bottom line for parents is straightforward: connection comes first. “If your child knows you’ll listen without judgment, they’ll be more likely to talk to you when something’s wrong,” she says. “And once you have that trust, everything else gets easier.”
If you want to strengthen your connection with your child or if you’re facing challenges and aren’t sure where to start, Child Saving Institute can help. Learn more or schedule an appointment today at childsaving.org/youmatter.
